Doing and Being

During this decade –or more than likely just the first part of it—I have been taking a long look at what my 90 plus years have been about. These ruminations have largely focused on what I have done. It has been a partial history. I have not mentioned the pain I have both endured and often caused. There was the break up of a marriage, the death of two children, my failure to give a priority of time and energy to my wider family, my preoccupation with the world beyond my own front door. Need I go on?
Recently it has been suggested that while most of our decades may be dedicated to “doing,” these final years must properly be dedicated to “being.” If I have looked outward, the time has arrived when I have felt the need to look inward. I have heard this transition called “the care of the soul.” A member of our community who died a few years back, would greet those he encountered with a cheerful,” how be you.” I was never sure what Pete meant except that it reflected something that could not be answered with, “I’m fine” or some other innocuous response.

I understand all this may mean for me more reflection and fewer projects. I have read countless explanation of how to nurture the inner life, but part of me has resisted giving up a preoccupation with” doing” or finding courses on ones’s needs to pay more attention to “being.”

While I admire those who tell me how they continually nourish the inner life, I have never been very good at prayer, meditation or similar disciplines. While I have been fascinated with Eastern religious practices, I have been more an observer than a participant. While I have honored those who claim a profound spiritually, I remain wary, having observed some of the things that spirituality may imply. I have all I can handle in this mundane world without feeling any need to focus on some realm populated by specters or souls detached from bodies.

My path inward, however, has been aided by the results of last year’s election with which I had been preoccupied. I no longer find myself consumed with a compulsion to discuss or write about politics. Nevertheless, I will never abandon a concern for what goes on in society. It was the heart of Jesus’ ministry and central to mine. I remain committed to the power of the gospel to reshape society. While it is not quite the total preoccupation it once was, I’m trusting a younger generation to keep at that vision. I’ve done all I can do

So I am less tied to the political world—perhaps just a bit less. I now manage to delete the six to ten emails I get each day that ALWAYS end with a Party plea to “chip in.”

A couple weeks ago I published a column—or two—listing many of the things I have done. It was an impressive list, if I say so myself. I’m proud of my record. But I have gotten the need to talk about it out of my system. In those columns I failed to include those who have supported my overblown ego. Most of all that includes Wendy who has been patient, supportive, and who provided an occasional deflation for my exaggerated self-worth. I’ve gotten out of my system a need to say, “look at what I have done.”

Who knows? Perhaps even my need to produce these weekly700 words of wisdom will diminish occupying my mornings. Maybe I’ve already said too much.

Most afternoons will continue to be taken trying to see the natural world through watercolor paintings. In recent weeks even that style has change from flowers to landscapes. But even these broader images reflect a different way to look at nature. Whoever saw purple yellow and orange skies? I’m now working on more reflective impressions which may not quite replicate nature. Perhaps art is an entrance to my inner self. But I paint because I enjoy it, not to make a point.

While I’m not ready to abandon “doing” I’m learning how to pay more attention to “being,” without even understanding what that implies. I do not need lectures, a book or advice, but just knowing that there are a persons who have listened.